My oldest’s daughters name is Azaria Monique- (am) she is no longer here on earth but in her short time made such an impact on my destiny. This site is dedicated to her and so first I must share her story. 

Azaria was our second pregnancy- we had suffered a 12 week miscarriage not long before. I will discuss that in another post as that baby also impacted how I help my patients. 

We were so happy to make it past the  12 week mark and to be able to hear her heartbeat, but at the “normal” sonogram something didn’t look right with her heart to the technician. We left that office still hopeful and found out we were having a girl.

I remember walking into that Cardiology office so long ago. It was March and the sun was shining as we were walking into the building. We tried to ignore the fact that they were bringing us in for this “special” appointment on a Saturday when no other patients would be present. The technician who would be performing the special heart sonogram (echocardiogram) was quiet but nice. As she started to put the gel on my growing belly  she immediately reconfirmed that we were indeed having a girl. As she proceeded with the exam however the room became quiet except for these next 7 words – “today is not your birthday is it? It was when those words were spoken that we knew something must be terribly wrong. It was my birthday- the day we received the most devastating news about our daughter.

The cardiologist brought us to a conference room and then proceeded to draw pictures to try to help explain what her condition was – “Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome” I remember feeling like I was in a Charlie Brown show with that teacher talking “wah wa wah wah wa” I couldn’t comprehend anything he was saying- only the words “not compatible with life outside of the womb” and that the best option for all involved would be an abortion.

We left out of that building with the sun still shining as if nothing had happened. Later that day in an attempt to celebrate my birthday we went to dinner. We were both in a daze. As we were walking to the restaurant however an amazing thing happened- the official term is called “quickening” or when you feel your baby move for the first time. It was unmistakable- my baby girl chose my birthday to make her presence known in a big way- it was a gift. She was a gift from God and his timing was perfect.️

We went home still feeling very upset about our options. I called the one person who I knew would be able to help me-My Aunt Shelly.  She was a former respiratory therapist so I knew she would be familiar with the heart condition and she was also the wife of a pastor. I explained to her the situation and she asked me what I wanted to do-and I remember stating anything but an abortion- she then said- well then don’t do it- you don’t have too. And that was that! A weight was lifted believe it or not. It was personally easier for me to process Azaria’s condition and prognosis knowing that whatever happened was not going to be by my hand.

The months went on and Azaria grew beautifully while in my belly. You have to understand with her condition, the problems wouldn’t start until after her birth when specific changes take place in the heart. During this time interesting moments were made as to my decision to “keep” the pregnancy but I will save that discussion for another post.

During this time I ate healthy, exercised, and basically did all I could within my power to  keep Azaria healthy while she was in my belly. I should mention that I love to sing and made sure I sang to her every single day. If I was only going to have 9ish months I wanted to enjoy every second.